Changes.

A new year is supposed to be a time for changes - I know - but sometimes the things that change are the things you wish would stay the same.
   It seems now that the new year has turned it feels like i'm losing touch with alot of things. I'm now missing out on time with my friends because I always ended up having a previous commitment and because our schedules are so different I feel like i'm constantly missing out. I'm constantly playing catch up in order to make up to my friends when I can't be there. I'm trying to stretch myself between people and my school work and it doesn't seem to be going very well. It seems that instead of get a step closer to how I want to be each time, i'm trying to acheive it all in one go. I know I shouldn't, but for some reason I can't help it. I spend the whole week doing work but when it comes to the weekend it seems to just disappear.
   Looks like i'm losing sight of family too - well they're losing sight of me. I mean I understand things have changed but that's no excuse to leave me out of things when it's not necessary. I don't think I would mind if someone said, "Sorry Bethan, I know we haven't spoken lately." It's the fact that no-one seems to care. They don't even give it a thought. At least I feel bad when I feel like i'm abandoning my family. So I go on with my hectic life, missing out, being ignored etc. but the second one of them is missing and they need someone to go somewhere with them or they want them to do something for them who do they call? Yeah, that's right. Me. What's worse is that they expect to start from where they left off. And let me tell ya, feeling like you've been used isn't great - especially when it's by family. I'm not going to take the fall for other people's crap anymore.
   I've also tried to empathise more and not be so selfish but it seems like when I try not to be selfish I end up being totally ignored. No-one seems to notice my efforts. I try hard to look nice and be nice and work hard etc. and when the people you wish would notice don't, it makes you feel like shit. As a result of this i'm sitting here on a friday night, missing a group outing, being ignored and feeling alone. There will be a moral I promise, I just think for my own selfish reasons need to write it out in order to make myself feel better. (I know it's selfish but if I hadn't posted anything no-one would have notices because there'd be nothing to notice, geddit?)
   Well yeah, I guess the moral is . . . Make sure your priorities are right and don't give time to people who don't care whether they you their time or not. They don't deserve it. If you're trying to change your ways for the benefit of someone you love and they don't seem to recognise that then to be honest, they should go and f*** themselves.


Bethan Tamsin - A girl with a voice

2011.

A new year! One more year closer to the 2012 Olympics. One more year before I go to university (fingers crossed - cough cough David Cameron.) The year I turn 17 and loads of other things. How exciting?
   I guess I could say what lots of other people are, "People say that they're going to change every New Year but they don't." But for some reason i've decided to be optimistic like the other half.
   I know that there are lots of things I need to do or change or gain this year - as well as lots of things that I want to go, change and gain. Realistically, I should chose one and give it 100% unfortunately coming up this year I have my AS levels, a dance show, dance exams and potentially employment. Therefore, nothing can really take my full attention but to be honest, can anyone really focus solely on one thing?
   I guess this is going to be short one! So, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! May all your resolutions be successful if you have one.


BethanTamsin;X